A lot of my work as a sex therapist is with people who feel sexually out of control or emotionally distressed about their sexual thoughts, urges or behaviors.

Some of my clients recognize that they’re making bad sexual choices but feel helpless to change despite the negative effects their behaviors are having on their lives or the lives of others. Others worry that what makes them feel good sexually is abnormal and is threatening their reputation or relationships.

My role as your therapist is to hear your concerns and help you understand the underlying causes of your problematic behavior so we can develop a sexual health plan that will allow you to make the changes that you wish to make in your sex life.

Below are some types of problematic sexual behavior that might have brought you here.

Compulsive Sexual Behavior, Hypersexuality, Sex Addiction

You spend a lot of time engaging in sexual activities and this behavior is negatively affecting your life. Such behaviors may be one or more of the following: masturbating, watching pornography, online sexual activity, multiple sex partners or affairs, frequenting strip bars or sex workers, anonymous sex in public places and others.

Because of your sexual behavior, you may be feeling bad about yourself and emotionally isolating yourself from others. Or, you might be neglecting your responsibilities at work or jeopardizing your marriage and family life at home.

You also might be spending significant amounts of money to maintain this behavior and facing serious financial problems.

You may even be putting your health and your partner’s health at risk by engaging in unsafe sexual behavior.

If you’re single, your sexual behavior might be keeping you from finding someone and fulfilling your needs for love and companionship.

Despite how this behavior is impacting your life, you’ve tried to stop but have failed.

Issues Related to Kinks and Fetishes

Now for most people who practice atypical or “kinky” sexual activities, this is not problematic. Healthy sexuality can encompass a wide variety of sexual behaviors and sources of sexual stimulation. For example, experiencing sexual arousal from the act of cross dressing, cuckholding or engaging in BDSM is not necessarily problematic. Nor is fantasizing or watching porn featuring voyeurism or exhibitionism.

People seek my help when their kink or fetish is causing them or their partner distress, or they don’t know how to integrate their sexual interests into their sex life or relationship. 

For example, you may be incapable of functioning sexually (for ex. achieving erection or ejaculation) without engaging in your kink or fetish and this is making it difficult for you and your partner to connect sexually.

Or you may be having difficulty remaining faithful to your partner or respecting the boundaries you agreed to by engaging in sexual activities other partners who share your kink or fetish.

You might also fear rejection if you were to disclose your sexual interests and this is keeping you from meeting potential partners and fulfilling your needs for love and companionship.

Or you may feel that your sexual urges are stronger than your self-discipline and they make you do things that are against your personal values and beliefs. You keep promising yourself you will not repeat the behavior but find yourself returning to it over and over again.

Sex therapy can help you express your kinks and fetishes in a way that enhances your well-being and relationships while respecting your integrity and agreements with others.